I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
