super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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