She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
