Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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