Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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