First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
