he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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