If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
