Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
