I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
