I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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