The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
