can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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