I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
