Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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