I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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