is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
