Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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