last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
