i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
