That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
