It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You smell like stripper and shame
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
