Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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