So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
