She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
