wanna go halves on a baby?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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