Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
