Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
