I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
