this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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