so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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