Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
