He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
