When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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