A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
