I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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