hotel room ftw
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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