that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
