New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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