think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
