OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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