I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
