Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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