One girl and one boy is just not enough.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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