that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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