could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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