so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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