On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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