im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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