Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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