you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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