I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
